Anything? Anywhere? One at a Time.
At the start of consciousness, everyone becomes competitive — whether it is learned or a natural instinct. Competitiveness is first taught during the primary school years. This can be seen in various academic fields such as spelling bees, academic certificates, music clubs, but is more prominently seen in sports. This competitiveness teaches students to develop critical thinking skills in order to outsmart their opponents. This then teaches students to strive to be the best out of all their peers. When achieving these goals, moments of euphoria and glee are felt while celebrating the success. All is good until a parent or authority figure shoots you down with the “you can do better”. That's when the euphoria of competitiveness is replaced with disappointment and resentment, which then fuels self-hatred while contributing to the pressure to work even harder and be the best in the field. Aiming to be the best is never a bad thing to achieve, until it becomes harmful to the individual and those around them.
The toxicity around parents and guardians being unsupportive of their children's academic success is more trivial than one would expect. For many students all over the world, the pressure to succeed and outcompete their peers is extreme, forced by parents to the point of sometimes becoming unreasonable. The lucky ones may experience their parent's approval with the bare minimum or just have understanding parents who comprehend the fact that academics may not be one's forte. Everyone has a different capacity when it comes to learning, so forcing students to “just do better” because their peers are doing well is unfair when there could be many more underlying factors that could be preventing students from succeeding. Hopefully, everyone comes to a point where they learn to let go of control and the need to surpass everyone. As long as we have a hold on our own lives and have a feeling of what we can do with our skills, becoming number one and impressing others no longer becomes important.
For the students experiencing this: it is enough to be doing well in school. It is enough to be passing your classes as long as you yourself are doing well. If no one is around to watch you succeed and celebrate with you, then you must celebrate yourself. You must be your biggest supporter if you truly want to succeed. From one self-governed child to another, knowing your boundaries, limits, and strength is what is going to keep you going. When you keep yourself responsible for your actions, that is when you become your own person without having to meet others' expectations. This isn't to say to disregard others' advice, but to tread lightly as you are ultimately on your own path, a path no one else can take but you. Learn to discipline yourself,be accountable for your success and accept consequences, otherwise there will be repetition in your life before you learn and move into the next step in life.
For the longest time, birthdays always seemed like a futile thing to celebrate. It never held much meaning besides the aging of life. That was until I realized it's not celebrating just an age, but your achievements during the previous year. The little things in life are important. Celebrate the little things accomplished in a year. Little by little. Year by year. Just as the character in the film, Everything Everywhere All At Once, Joy Wang wondered to her mother: “You could be anything anywhere, why here?” We could be anything, anywhere, but we stay to finish our business and prove to ourselves that we are more than what we are expected of. It just takes baby steps, one at a time. Use your birthday as an excuse to celebrate the achievements you've made in the year— to celebrate you..
Whether you’ve finally made your own medical appointments by yourself, graduated grad school, got into a program, or finally asked for that raise you have been dreading to ask for, big or little, all victories should be celebrated. And, if no one wants to celebrate those little wins, hold yourself accountable to celebrate your success. These new traditions are encouraged routinely especially within this new year as a way to make peace with yourself. These small acts of kindness to yourself soon build up into self-fulfillment, in the form of encouragement to yourself and loved ones in your life. In this new year, let’s end the cycles of toxicity, learn to embrace letting go of control and adopt healthy habits.
