A State of Limbo
In the months leading up to graduation, I would wake up each day with a mixture of relentless enthusiasm and perpetual dread churning in my stomach, blending into a sickening soup of emotions that made my body and mind whirl. With each day that goes by, I was reminded that I edged closer to a new phase in my life.
Being a high school graduate alluded to a sense of accomplishment, completion and fulfillment. However, even as I pictured myself across that stage in my cap, gown, and cords to receive my diploma and awards, the only thing residing within me was a sense of confusion. How did I get here? Where did the last four years go? Why did I feel so lost?
My mind refused to comprehend the fast-approaching conclusion of this four-year journey after going through the frenetic experience of high school, including a whole year and a half behind a computer screen. It felt as if I pressed the fast forward button on my youth — and I desperately wanted to rewind. I found myself grieving made and unmade memories. I lingered in a time gap, attempting to fill the gaps with any remnants of the past that I could scavenge, as life went on without me. In the midst of these fruitless endeavors, I started to find solace in an intimidating label: college freshman.
Initially, these two words incited eagerness. With college came new memories; with new memories came new opportunities to compensate for the unmade ones. I looked to this undiscovered area of my life as a source of hope to counteract my disappointment. This optimism did, however, come with a hint of fear—the fear of an unknown future. Since I only experienced two full years of high school, I doubted my preparedness and adequacy for the next upcoming years.
As a girl who was still attempting to understand the impending end of her high school career, the responsibility and independence of being a college student was quite overwhelming. The adjustment from childhood to adulthood, from dependence to independence, from restriction to freedom is terrifying. Even worse is when you find yourself straddling the line between these two worlds, attempting to make sense of the never-ending ambiguity. I yearned for some direction, belonging, or certainty, but I only received confusion in return.
In my struggle to come to terms with these overwhelming feelings, I came to a conclusion: often, someone doesn’t realize who they are until knowing who they are not.
You can allow yourself to pause in a comfortable state of limbo, and consider your potential as well as your development. The labels of recent high school graduates and college freshmen serve as excellent examples of the value of looking beyond such binaries.
I realize that the time between high school and college is the perfect opportunity to appreciate this state of limbo. I’m on the right track to succeed despite self-doubt. I can learn to enjoy graduating from high school, and my successes, while making plans to fulfill my college freshman objectives. The regaining of direction inspires individuals to go their own paths. They are able to create their own labels, which inspires them to explore the potential of unexplored terrain.
College will certainly thrust a fierce hurricane towards me, but I will stare it straight in the eye and exceed expectations, eventually leaving an enduring legacy for the world through my endeavors.
