First Love

“Don’t worry, I got you.”

His arms cling gently to my waist, leaving just enough distance between our skin to make my cheeks burn. 

I shouldn’t feel all tingly from just a bike ride.

We wobble achingly slow around our little cul-de-sac, narrowly avoiding the neatly trimmed flower beds lining his yard. It feels like walking with my legs tied together. But any frustration is drowned out by the gears clickick rhythmically, slow and steady, at odds with my heartbeat: tick, tick, tick.

I wanted nothing more than to hop off the incredibly hard bike seat and head back in. It was his idea to head outside, interrupting my snooping through his encyclopedia collection. But what I really wanted to do was go back to gazing at the glow-in-the-dark stars we finished putting up on his ceiling, glittering his eyes every time I looked.

But I knew he would keep me out in the biting cold until I could ride far enough on my own. I, on the other hand, was more than happy with lasting a full four seconds without toppling over.

Either way, I didn’t want the afternoon to end. 

I walk the bike back to our starting point, right next to his mom’s minivan. He laughs, the sound luminescent, so addictive I wish I could bottle it up. 

“Sorry I suck at this. We don’t have to stay out here if you don’t want to.”

He shakes his head and smiles, jokingly reprimanding. “I told you I’d teach you before you went home. We’re biking all the way to the pond tomorrow, remember?”

I can only nod as he holds onto my shoulders to steady me. It only sends me into more of a frenzy.

His hand rests on my back, ready to start again. It’s enough to warm my body all the way down to my fingers gripping the handlebars for dear life.

I start again, fighting gravity’s push, and pedal with all the strength I could muster. It isn’t enough to keep me upright as I teeter between his arms. He only smiles as I frantically look up at him. 

That was a warning.

I feel the absence of him beside me first. Then I hear it: his bright cheers full of pride that his lessons finally succeeded. My pounding heartbeat is muffled by wind filling my ears as I pedal, somehow flying and falling all at once.

I decided then that I loved that feeling.