Dating Interracially in the Asian Community
Growing up, we’ve all seen different types of relationships. Healthy ones, toxic ones, interracial relationships, and even LGBTQ+ relationships. For most people, we don’t see this as a problem. As long as the person you’re dating is who you see a future with and it’s a healthy relationship, you deserve to be happy. Parents, specifically Asian parents say they want the best for us. I believe they do. They want us to have a great career and a wonderful husband and family. What most of them really long for, is they want you to excel in a job where you make 6 figures, own a house, take care of your family and only marry someone that’s in the same race so their life could be easier. So THEIR life could be easier, so everyone in our community will approve and they want us to live our life exactly how they want us to. Meaning, they want us to live life as how they see fit. I understand when parents would want their child to marry someone in the same race so they could communicate better but it shouldn’t be an expectation.
Throughout the years, society has created stereotypes and high expectations on how we should live. No one even asks how we feel or what our dreams are. No one asks that because our parents think their way is the best way. They guilt us into becoming who they want us to be. Parents do teach their children how life is and how people are. They never expected us to already have at least some life experiences just by living life and meeting new people.
Parents will always think we are their little naive children. Just because we don’t tell them everything, they think we never had to experience racism, bullying, and people being rude for no reason. Some of us have but we keep it inside. See, when I was younger, I was told to keep your emotions in. “Why are you crying, stop crying and smile.” Then they force you to smile and if you didn’t, they’d continue giving you the death stare so all you do is pretend like you’re happy and everything is fine when really nothing is fine and you’re dying inside. Growing up, Asian American children are taught to have the perfect grades, and when you didn’t, they’d compare us to someone else or yell at you. You’re taught to shut up and listen to the adults, not giving you a say in anything.
When you come out as LGBTQ+, they tell you it’s not the right way of life. You’re supposed to have a husband, have kids and a career and that’s the only way you’ll be happy. It doesn’t seem like our feelings for someone matter much as long as the parents approve. It’s true, whoever you date and potentially marry, you’ll marry into the family. Society has taught us to look down on a race or look down on someone who’s dating outside of their race. People will use stereotypes like criminals, sloppy, rude, loud, smelly, and low-class. Then they instill that fear into our parents and think everyone in a certain race is the same. When indeed, it depends on the person. I believe parents have good intentions on trying to keep you safe and happy. But, you also need to decide what makes you happy. Life shouldn’t be that hard but it’s everyone around us who keeps shaming us and making sure we live up to society’s standards. It’s tiring to try to be perfect and find someone who everyone approves of.
What if, all of a sudden, you stop liking that person but everyone else thinks you do or you’re being stubborn and childish when really you’ve fallen out of love. People take a peek into our lives like we’re under a microscope and they instantly understand everything there is to know about us. Not everyone is the same. We are not all criminals, we’re not dumb, and we’re not any other stereotypes or labels people want to put on us. We are human beings who have a brain and we use it to take care of ourselves. I’ve heard that parents will come around and get used to the idea that you’re dating someone out of your race. It’s a nice thought but the fact that it’s something they have to get used to, instead of just accepting and being kind to that person. Society created stereotypes and labels in the first place. It’s up to us to break them. We are not a box, we don’t need to be labeled. Go out and live your life.
If they’ve done someone so disrespectful, then of course take that into consideration. You shouldn’t have to put everyone else’s needs above your own. If you love someone, fight for your love. Defend a couple if they’re being mistreated. It’s time to take control of our own lives and put yourself first. Don’t stop dating them just because of their race. Stop dating them if there is a red flag in your relationship. Also, be patient with yourself and with your partner. Even though people will ridicule you, be kind to them but also stand up for yourself.
