The Wellness Issue: Ask Aunty E
Dear Aunty E,
I need some career advice. I recently graduated from NYU and am hoping to develop a career in fashion merchandising or become a personal stylist. I sent in an application to intern for a well known NY/LA based celebrity stylist who also runs her own media company. Her personal assistant reached out for an interview last Monday but during the interview, she seemed uninterested and distracted, not to mention she forgot which internship program I was applying for. She didn't even reference my resume at all! Then, she said we would conduct a follow up interview with her boss (the celebrity stylist) on Friday at 10AM. Flash forward to Friday, she pushed the interview back to 2:30 PM because they were both in an "important meeting". I waited until 2:30 PM only for them to cancel on me completely because something came up that needed their attention ASAP and now they want me to list all of the times I'm available next week. I'm really frustrated because it just seems like they could care less!! Part of me wants to stand up for my self worth and withdraw my application. The other half thinks this is such a great opportunity since she's a really well known stylist and it would be a resume booster and a great post graduate opportunity. What do you think I should do?
Sincerely,
Devil Wears Prada Intern 2.0
Dear Devil Wears Prada Intern 2.0,
To say the least, it shouldn’t matter who this “celebrity stylist” is and what she can do to launch your career. I think you’re overlooking the biggest point here, which is that she is absolutely positively NOT acknowledging you as an applicant!!!! The general rule of thumb when it comes to job recruitment is that the company is not only interviewing you but YOU are also interviewing the company. That said, the fact that a PA is interviewing and screening applicants speaks to how disorganized the company is. Any business owner would be smart to have a human resource coordinator to manage recruitment, or if the company is on the smaller side, she would reserve time aside to interview interns herself. Another red flag is their lack of efficiency in communication and time management. Time conflicts are inevitable, but rescheduling your interview three different times is very unprofessional because let’s get real--a follow up interview is likely to take only 15 minutes of someone’s time!! The botched interview by them is a blessing in disguise. Imagine how much of a chaotic trainwreck everything would be behind the scenes if you were to take the job!!! You shouldn’t have to work for this Donut-ella Versace because you deserve better. If they reach out to you again, you can say you found another opportunity and explain to them why you don’t believe the position is a good fit for you. Keep it professional, short, concise and drama-free. I assure you there’s going to be better opportunities out there, so don’t lose hope.
Sincerely,
Aunty E
Dear Aunty E,
I’d like some relationship advice. My boyfriend and recently fought over communication issues. Although he tells me that I should open up more (and I have been), whenever I ask him how he feels or what’s on his mind or why he has those thoughts, he says “idk.” I’ve tried to get him to put his thoughts to words so that I may understand him better (and I’ve given him the space to do so), but it’s the same result every time. Sometimes I get frustrated and then he shuts down, getting negative and having regrets for how he hurt me in the past (which I have forgiven him for and have never mentioned because I believe in moving on). I feel like he’s using the past as an excuse to justify what he’s doing to me right now, but I don’t know if that’s the case. And now he says his feelings for me are wavering because our relationship is long-distance, and I think that’s what’s stopping him from opening up. I’ve been putting much more effort into the relationship than he has been, and I’ve been told to just break up with him and move on. But I cannot leave him in such a negative state. Worse off, he doesn’t do anything about it until I give him a pep talk and we’re back to normal (this has happened twice already). In short, he is very passive about his emotions, giving a “it is what it is” attitude, and I’ve tried to encourage him to move on from that mindset. But he doesn’t, due to issues in the past. I hate passivity with a passion, and I know he has the power to do something for the relationship if he wants to keep it. But I believe he’s not doing anything because he lets his emotions consume him and doesn’t move from that state of negativity. (He never texts me back to clear things up.) It hurts me to see our relationship devolve like this, since I’ve already dedicated quite a bit of my time to it. Thoughts Aunty E? Should I break up with him or stay to try and help him once more?
Sincerely, Overachieving Girlfriend
Dear Overachieving Girlfriend,
There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship (or a perfect boyfriend on that note), but communication and honesty is a major key to a successful one. It seems that your boyfriend is completely shut off on keeping an open line of communication with you which is why it’s preventing both of you from maintaining a healthy relationship. It’s not right that you’re investing so much more time and effort into the relationship, whereas he keeps a ‘it is what it is’ mentality. I also think that you’re constantly trying to fix the broken communication and trying to mend his negativity which is why you’re getting more and more frustrated. Here’s one thing I want you to know: you are NOT responsible for ‘fixing’ someone else, and you are NOT capable of forcing someone to open up to you. I know it’s heartbreaking and gut wrenching to think about leaving him, but trust me--it’s the only thing you can do to keep yourself sane. My advice is to first reach out to him one more time and talk to him about how his behavior is affecting the relationship. Give him an opportunity to say what’s on his mind and try to voice your opinion on how you want him to improve. If he still refuses to open up, it’s time for closure. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself, and don’t feel guilty for leaving him because he’s had more than enough time to mature, put his big boy pants on and act as the man in the relationship. You’ve dealt with his negativity one too many times, and if you continue to leave it as is, it will only progress into a constant cycle!!
Sincerely,
Aunty E
