Strawberry Solace

Ten days before my 27th birthday, I was abruptly dumped by my boyfriend. In retrospect, he did me a huge favor. But at the time, I was devastated. While our relationship had been relatively brief, I felt that we had a joyful and supportive connection. As I sobbed into the phone, he refused to tell me why he was breaking up with me. No amount of pleading could convince him to share a reason, so I hung up on him and cried myself to sleep. 

My mental health was already fragile. I was under immense pressure at work that triggered daily panic attacks. My close friends, who made up my support system, stopped having time for me as their romantic relationships deepened. I was happy for them, but I really missed them. My relationship with my boyfriend had been one of the few aspects of my life that felt stable and now it was gone. I struggled not to catastrophize as I ruminated over the gaping vacancies in my life. 

Upon learning about my breakup, an old coworker invited me to go strawberry picking with her. Although I didn’t know Aerin very well, her gentle compassion was comforting. I mustered up every ounce of motivation to put my tears on hold and leave my apartment. 

Arriving at the farm, I was gripped by a considerable amount of cynicism. It was hot, despite it being early April. The sun bore down on my reddening face and the stillness of my day was disrupted by the sound of shrieking children. Finding good strawberries also proved difficult as most of the bushes were bare. The strawberries I could find were inedible, either overripe, deformed, or crushed. It felt fitting that I would be met with disappointment after trying to do something as simple as picking strawberries. 

But Aerin was optimistic. She suggested that we walk towards the far edge of the farm where there were fewer people. I reluctantly agreed as I wiped the rolling sweat beads off my forehead. At first, we didn’t see any strawberries. Bending low, we discovered hidden berries nestled between the leaves. They were perfect, untouched by insects and safe from the blazing sun. 

I soon forgot how sweaty I was as we repeatedly stooped down to search for strawberries, squealing with delight each time we found one. With our fingers stained bright red, strawberry picking turned into a treasure hunt, with each berry becoming a little victory. Sinking my teeth into the sweet flesh rooted me in the present moment, instilling a sense of admiration that the earth I stood on could bring forth something so delightful. I felt my contempt dissolve as each strawberry discovered sparked a bit of happiness and gratitude.

Little by little, our basket filled. The weight of the basket chafed against my skin, yet it was the lightest I had felt in months. The embedded dirt beneath my nails served as evidence that the earth had held and nurtured me that afternoon. As we walked back towards the field entrance, I noticed how the sun bathed the farm in its warm glow while the soft breeze carried echoes of laughter. 

But the day wasn’t over yet. We were excited to learn that the farm served freshly made strawberry ice cream in their barn. While eating our treats, Aerin shared some fun stories about her life. I learned about her cat’s quirky personality, plans for her upcoming wedding, and beautiful moments from her recent camping trips. I developed a more nuanced understanding of her as a new friend, rather than someone I used to work with. Our conversation also allowed me to direct my attention to her genuine warmth and kindness. I felt so lucky to have found her companionship during this challenging chapter of my life. 

I went home that day with a refreshed outlook on my future. Although the pain of my breakup lingered, I felt confident that I could continue to find small moments of joy, recognizing that my ability to experience positivity could be influenced through the perspective I deliberately adopt. I learned that recognizing and appreciating the worth of something ordinary could enhance my capacity for joy. Happiness can be embedded in something as simple as a strawberry.