We Are All Flowers

I consider myself a third-culture kid: born and raised in Italy to parents from Bangladesh.

During my whole life, I lived in my bubble wondering what the life out there was like. I did little to explore the world during my childhood and teenagehood, so I sometimes wondered how my life would have been if I rebelled and went against my parent's orders.

Since I was a kid, I was always very curious about the world and really liked getting on life adventures, one of them being - leaving Italy for good when I moved to Canada in 2010. 

This country has been welcoming and accepting. This is the place where I flourished and blossomed the most. It's where I have reached my biggest potential both personally and professionally. I was becoming more knowledgeable through university education, books, and workshops; I was becoming more welcoming and understanding of other cultures as I have started to have an eclectic circle of friends; I was becoming more confident as I started to follow my intuition to do what I felt was right for me and not to “ fit in” for the sake of the reputation and people’s wishes. I went on by pursuing what I was called for- living unapologetically and following my passions of being a speaker, a mentor, a self-published author, and a blogger. I feel the peak of my blossoming happened when people around me started to notice a transformation in me based on how much they were reading and seeing about my accomplishments on online social media. 

However, sometimes, I wonder - what if I never took that decision to move to Canada? Who would I be right now? Would I be the resilient, tenacious, and audacious person I am today? Would I be the person who gets featured in magazine articles, interviewed in podcasts, and called to speak at Women’s Empowerment events? Would I be a successful woman in finance, a speaker, a YouTuber, and a blogger? These are questions that I always ponder upon even now. 

I imagine  I could have ended up either in Italy or the UK. My parents always had this thought in mind that after I finished high school, I would have stayed in Italy to pursue my university degree or moved to the UK to join the bigger community of South Asian people. My parents are there currently, so most likely I would have ended up being there along with them.

In terms of studies, I have always been good at math, but never did it cross my mind to study anything other than finance.

So, when I moved to Canada, I studied Finance and am currently working in the financial industry; I can never imagine my life without it. While I was in Italy and doing high school, all I could think about was becoming a psychologist or getting a translation degree.  I am almost sure if I stayed in Italy, I would have pursued a degree in either one of them and have become either a therapist or a tourist guide. There is a big difference between finance and translation/ psychology, isn't it?

When I moved to Canada, I knew that this country was the land of opportunities, a place to be whoever you want to be and do whatever you want to do. Canada helped me to find the “ city girl ” in me, so driven and eager to conquer the world, especially from a girl coming from a small town near Milan. I am pretty sure that if I stayed in Italy, I would have always been and stayed in that small-town girl that no one knew about. If I would have pursued a degree in translation, I would have been a tour guide and probably not made much of a penny compared to what I earn now.

After getting my university degree, my parents would have definitely planned my wedding, maybe arranged my marriage to someone from the community, or brought me to the UK to choose someone from the pool of potential candidates since the market of South Asian guys in the UK is much bigger. I would probably be married with 2 kids and living the life that many South Asian women have: be a mother and housewife, maybe even work full time.

In life, everything happens for a reason: we meet certain people for a reason, we learn life lessons for a reason, we make certain life decisions for a reason, people come and go for a reason and one decision leads to another, some that are painful while others are more joyful.

From the perspective of a South Asian woman, I do think women are sometimes sheltered and too protected because of what the community will say if she is given “too much freedom”, but this comes at the cost of developing the person to whom she is meant to be. When I was a kid, I was forbidden to spend a night at a friend’s house, I was forbidden to go out “ too much”, I was forbidden to come home late, I was ordered to dress modestly, I was asked too many questions about where I would spend my afternoons after school, and sometimes I had to lie about these things. Even though all my actions were innocent, it wasn't perceived this way by society. In a way, I can't blame anyone for this because my parents and people from the community only learned one way of living life which was all based on ancient traditions and cultures. Unfortunately, this can impact how kids grow and can lead them to take certain decisions to change the path of their lives.  In a way that's how I felt: I never felt that I was blossoming when I was growing up and I had to take a decision to move away, to grow and blossom elsewhere because I wasn't getting enough water to the soil I was planted in.

I do think that if I never took that decision to move to Canada, I would still be a seed. This is not to point fingers at anyone, but sometimes we live our lives based on what society wants us to do and not because of what we want. The peer and societal pressure gets to us that we fall into this trap of conforming and sometimes we conform to get validation. 

My life lesson learned here is that it is ok to choose yourself and lead an adventurous life. Find the flower in you — let it grow. 

“When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.” - Alexander Den Heijer