The Replaceable Asian Academic

The worst part of academia is struggling to make your place in white dominant fields you are trying to shake up, whilst still being a student. Navigating professional spaces where the rules are not always written but assumed is a discipline not offered in any of my electives. This is an extra course racialized individuals undergo while navigating their survival in grad school. As a visible South Asian, it became clear that although I spoke out against racial injustice in my work, white people would question my positionality. This is where the model minority stereotype renders me stagnant: in my efforts to combat racial injustice and promote anti-racism.

I find myself not being meek or holding back my expression, and instead being very independent. These characteristics tend to frighten many of my white peers and colleagues. I do not act how people, especially white people would like me to, in places they curate and hold leadership in.

One example includes me being invited to a meeting to share my EDI (Equity, Diversity, Inclusion) thoughts. However, I am only welcome if I speak in a ‘whitewashed way’ and make myself align with the views of my white superior. I refuse to do that, and instead question my own position and others in the space regarding anti-Black and anti-Indigenous racism in my profession. I don’t take the easy route and play my own race card, instead, I hold myself accountable too. This causes most white people in the room to be flustered and not want to misrepresent themselves or say something that makes them look bad. So they all agree doing EDI is the right thing to do, but only until they have to hold themselves accountable.

We all know doing anti-racism work is important but are you doing it as an ally, accomplice or social justice warrior, or doing it for tenure, grant applications and being seen as a good white person?

I quickly realized with many folks the truth was always the latter and the intention was always trying to “look good.”

So what did I do?

I stepped back from many academic engagements and pivoted to healing through counselling and community work. When I began to return to the academic circle, I realized how I was replaced by fellow Asians. This is in no way meant to undermine the community, but rather to show how white superiors easily make us plot against our own when chasing that one diversity position offered to us.

People try to make you feel guilty for leaving and needing a break, especially as an Asian in academia because now you are even farther behind, and catching up with white colleagues becomes a mission. Being pinned against my own is an unkind way of creating competition, so we fight for the limited spots and avoid questioning white supremacy and colonialism in academia.

To my fellow Asian academics: there is, and there always will be room for us. We must re-write the white rules of control. And sometimes stepping away is a break or choice for our well-being. Publicizing our feelings and finding each other to create collective impact can turn a page that has been stalled by white publishers, and that’s the justice we need to pen together, today.