My Year of Discovery and Courage

After a seemingly never-ending shutdown of the world, we have seen a year of transition into an adjusted version of normal. As a result of the rise of hate-crimes against Asian folk and conservative politics taking hold around the world, there have been positive and negative changes in society from an increase of Asian representation on the TV screen to the invasion of Ukraine and protests against the mistreatment of women and individuals in Iran and China, respectively.

When one reflects upon these transitional aspects of society, it is easy to get consumed in the quicksand of despair at the state of nations and communities. However, I find myself skirting the pools of everchanging liquified soil in search of solid ground on which I can stand to tell my truths.

This year was a year of discovery and courage.

I discovered my voice. I found the courage to use it.

Although I admit I write under a pseudonym, which may seem to contradict the courage aspect, I argue that this is done to not only protect myself from the unavoidable online culture that allows trolls and the dishonorable to bash others either for joy, malice, boredom or any combination of unjustifiable reasons used to try to tear another human being down, but also to protect those who might be connected to me through familial or friendly relationships. While I am nowhere near the status of Harry and Meghan, I do not wish to put myself personally out there to experience even a fraction of what they have had to endure from the press, social media, and the like.

Instead, I want my words to be the spark for conversation. I aim to drive discussions that center on issues on adoption - domestic or international -, the adoptee voice, and all that pertains to the improvement of the adoption experience keeping the child as the focal point of concern and care.

Whenever I read comments on articles published by adoptees, many resort to an attack of “just another angry adoptee story” or “wouldn’t it be nice if someone wrote a positive adoption story”. Unfortunately, these negative comments are missing the point. What if the truth were to be accepted that many adoptees do not actually have fairy tale endings to share? What if the fact that there are so many “angry” adoptee stories being told means that adoption is not actually about the adopters and their idyllic view on a story of salvation? What if, just what if, they were to accept these stories as truths and express a desire to fix a system that allows for adoptees to feel “angry”?

As an adoptee who has every reason to be angry thanks to what many have described as an unimaginable and sad early childhood experience, I know that I have the unique perspective of seeing the world from the middle lane. While completely supporting and understanding the voices that are raised up in anger, I also coolly look at finding positive ways to take action or lead the conversation that may bring about change. Similarly, I relate to those who see no need to be angry or even react against their adoption experience, yet I also want eyes to be opened to the fact that there may be some wearing of rose-colored glasses and maybe a lifting of them could reveal a whole different lens. It is in my neutrality that I have found I have a voice. It is in becoming confident in not needing to take a side all the time that I found the courage to share my worldview.

So, despite the chaos that swirls in all corners of the earth, I find solace in how this year has developed. It gives me a quiet strength to prepare for 2023 in which I aim to write even more and speak out as an adoptee, a woman, a fellow human. Stay tuned for more from Alexis Freeman!