A Letter to People Who Have Always Been Single

Dear Reader,

My name is Nikko. I am 30 years old and have never been in a relationship. This letter is for anyone who likewise has never known romantic love, who’s been haunted by the social imperative of needing to find “The One.”

Being single since birth used to bother me. In the past, I sought out love in every crevice, downloaded every app, imagined the future of every flirtation, and prayed that a kiss would last a lifetime. When I tell people I’ve always been single, they refuse to believe me.

In my current incarnation, I know that I’m beautiful. I exude confidence, optimism, and self assurance, so it’s difficult for people to imagine no one ever wifing me up. I explain, “it just hasn’t happened yet, and that’s fine with me.” It took me years to arrive at this feeling of acceptance and patience, especially as a queer, non-binary Asian person in an overarching community that operates through the lens of whiteness.

Over the past few years, I embarked on a journey towards deeper self love. I’m not entirely sure what catalyzed the onset of this journey, but I am grateful for the daily opportunities to learn myself and love myself. Finding love is not something we can rush or predict the arrival of.

For anyone who has questioned their worth, doubted their capabilities for love, or anyone that feels that they needed to settle for anything less than they deserved: I see you. I hear you. I understand you. You are wholly worthy. You deserve acceptance, compassion, and infinite kindness. You deserve to know the truth: To feel the warmth and glow of the sun’s embrace, and the gentle tickle of flower petals on your face. You deserve to feel the mercy of rain, quietly cleansing the stains of your pain. You deserve to smile at the mirror with a vision ever clearer. 

Let your eyes fill with joy as you marvel at your growth, as the virtues of hope encompass you both past and present. Delight in the most delicious of treats and luxe views of the sea. Then embrace your gorgeous power of sexuality. Free the electric current of the soul that is yours. To manifest and conjure a self love that endures.

Because who’s to say we can’t offer these things to ourselves? What people fail to see in you, does not make your value untrue. Have faith in yourself. Love will come. When we question ourselves, when we doubt our worth, when we compromise and sacrifice our values and standards, we are not being kind or true to ourselves.

It’s okay to be a late bloomer. It’s okay to do things on your own and for yourself. May you be blessed by the words of the glorious Lizzo:

True love ain't something you can buy yourself

True love finally happens when you by yourself

So if you by yourself, then go and buy yourself

Another round from the bottle on the higher shelf.

Love,

Nikko