Asian ArtHomeThe Entertainment Issue

Asian Poetry Review

By April 15, 2019 147 Comments

Everyday I Wanna Be White

Katherine Ho

Instagram: @katherine.ktxo

Everyday I wanna be white

They won’t laugh when I speak

I feel white

Until they pointed it out

Accents

The kind that pierced your eardrums

Like a bird without its beak

Desperate to sing

Everyday I wanna be white

Flawless white skin

Bleached my skin at 11

Until it kills my DNA

Making me a blank canvas

For them to write their complements

“You’re so white”

As if golden melanin is the enemy

To my roots

Everyday I wanna be white

So I can blend in with the crowded school bus

Of Québecois

Not be 10 and discriminated against

Je ne pas parle Français

Mais je sais ce que tu dis

Because I was born to sense

“Ching chong”

From across the room

Everyday I wanna be white

My eyes are big

But they still glued shut

Like a blind snake

Everyday I wanna be white

So I don’t have to wonder

If he sees me as the porn he watched last night

Or a human being

Your soldiers left their marks

Inside of our women

Because their wives weren’t submissive enough

Everyday I wanna be white

Child abuse wouldn’t be seen as discipline

By my own community

So you wouldn’t justify the fact

That my mother made me bulimic

Because Asian parents fat shamed their child

While force feeding them

Like gooses being made into foie gras

Just to be killed by their owners

Like it’s a normal thing to do

While my daddy humiliated me in front of the whole world

I will be seen as a brat

But he won’t be seen as an abuser

Or a racist

At the dinner table

Commentaries on races

Other than his own

Southeast Asian women sold themselves to men like you

Because their daddy bribed them with money

Empty apologies and broken promises

To keep them tamed

Everyday I wanna be white

Regardless of royal descent

My powers are stripped away

Used against women like me

Who aren’t afraid to flaunt her sexuality

The title I can’t run away from

Defines my character

That made me a Kurta

Because I don’t wanna be called

A Ho

 

RED
                  Nivita Chapagain 
Instagram: @nivs.totw
When I turned 13,
I became annoying.
“Was my mind out?”,
to myself i often sought.
Did they just shoot me?,
because that sight made me angry!
The people who spoke left me irritated,
“Am I too stressed?”,
“But, surely not dead “
So, this is what the sleepless nights did.
What did the lethargy mean!
But, were my mood swings ever seen?
Everyone told me,
it was just the beginning,
the beginning I was not prepared,
not prepared to dream the worst nightmare, happening.
You could imagine,
you were at school,
just out cool;
and suddenly, you wouldn’t breathe,
you wouldn’t want to live.
My body was at war,
the gnowing pain in abdomen,
unbearable in my sense.
Someone twisted my stomach;
in it, squeezed a big red tomato,
 left my bladder with a tornado.
Believe me, it was not only an emotional rollercoaster,
something also hit my uterus.
“Or, is that kidney stone? “
My stomach started to bloat!
So, there were blenders all over my body,
which i was unknown of making it steady!
I ended;
curling up in my bed,
with the debilitating pain,
frightened for the blood in my vein.
And, it was there,
my first period;
that infamous crimson wave,
forming rivers,
then ocean in red.

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